You Need To Avoid Saying These Seemingly Harmless Phrases To Someone You're Dining With

You Need To Avoid Saying These Seemingly Harmless Phrases To Someone You're Dining With

Dining out with friends or colleagues can be a delightful experience, but certain seemingly innocuous comments can turn a pleasant meal into an uncomfortable one. Whether well-intentioned or not, remarks about someone's food choices can be hurtful and trigger self-consciousness. Here’s why you should avoid commenting on what others eat and which phrases are particularly harmful.

Why You Shouldn’t Comment On What Others Eat

The simple answer: You never know what someone else is going through and why they’re eating what they’re eating. Brittney Lauro, lead therapist at eating disorder treatment platform Equip, explains that someone could be dealing with or recovering from an eating disorder. Remarking on how healthy they’re eating or that they’re “being good” by eating vegetables could come across as praise for their condition.

People might also have health conditions where dietary changes, such as giving up gluten or going plant-based, are necessary. Melissa Preston, a licensed professional counselor, registered dietitian, and co-founder at Omni Counseling and Nutrition, notes that beyond health, people from different cultures may have experienced shaming around what they eat in the past, and comments can cause these feelings to resurface.

Heather Baker, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Prosperity Eating Disorders and Wellness Center, emphasizes that “There’s no way of knowing how someone will interpret a comment about food, even if there are good intentions behind it.”

6 Things You Should Never Say To People You’re Dining With

While most comments about what others eat are well-meaning, it’s generally best to avoid remarking on it. Here are some phrases that you should never say to the people you’re dining with:

1. “I would never eat ___.” Pointing out how you avoid eating whatever is on someone’s plate could make them feel shamed. It also reinforces diet culture and can seem like you’re comparing your body to theirs.

2. “You’re not going to eat all of that, are you?” Statements like this can make someone feel judged about their eating choices. Avoid commenting on your own plate size or fullness as well.

3. “Oh, you’re being good (or bad) today.” Avoid labeling foods as “good” or “bad” or “healthy” or “unhealthy.” This can foster a sense of shame and be triggering for some people.

4. “Are you dieting?” Never comment on how food is going to affect someone’s body, such as gaining or losing weight. Avoid talking negatively about your own appearance in relation to what you eat in the presence of others.

5. “You look healthy.” This might sound like a compliment, but it could be misinterpreted by someone with an eating disorder as implying that they gained weight, which can “start a spiral of negative self-talk.”

6. “That looks good.” This can be tricky. In some cases, it could be harmless. But for some people, especially those in eating disorder recovery, any attention drawn to their meals can be unwelcome.

How To Respond To What Others Say About What You Eat

If you hear these kinds of comments often and they bother you, developing a strategy for responding and coping can be helpful. This might differ depending on your relationship with the person and how comfortable you feel addressing remarks head-on.

First, avoid agreeing with the commentator and joining in labeling foods or discussing whether or not you should be eating it. Often, changing the subject is the best strategy. When someone says, “That looks really healthy,” say, “Oh, it tastes really good,” to take the attention off the health aspect.

Redirecting can help, too. When someone brings up something you don’t want to discuss, ask them about something completely unrelated. If you feel comfortable being direct, simply say, “Can we not talk about food or our bodies?”

Always be kind to yourself, set boundaries, and know your limits regarding what you’re comfortable (and not comfortable) discussing. If you’re struggling with an eating disorder, call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org for support.